getting older
oh my sweet blog, don't think i forgot about you.
if you're reading this when it comes out, it is my eighteenth birthday ! woohoo ! #legal !
ohhhh was seventeen the year i imagined it to be and so much more.
and i feel like usually it's the whole: set the bar too high & get disappointed, or global pandemic hits & you try to make the most of it, but this year was genuinely one of the best yet.
i feel like best isn't even the right word.
like yes it was amazing but this year has been too special to coin under the general umbrella term of "best" as i'm sure many, many other years of my life will be put under.
the sweet spot ! the very sweetest ! oh so many precious moments !
for example, in reflection of my sixteen going on seventeen post i mentioned listening to lizzy mcalpine's new ep......... if only she knew !
not only did i MEET lizzy, one of my biggest songwriting inspirations, but i got to see her LIVE and held back tearsssssss.
also! who would've thought i would have a revival of this cute little romance, not to mention the stinkin meet cute in nyc !!!
speaking of new york, never would've imagined finding a roommate best friend for the college i'm going to in the city !!!!!
life is crazy !
this year has been the year of my literal dreams and i can't imagine that any other year will hit quite the spot, because i know it won't !
not even in a pessimistic way, but my life will be exponentially different in 365 days' time and even more so as the years go on.
the pre-adulthood, but pretty-much-out-of-childhood age of seventeen is an experience untouchable by anything else i'll probably go through again and i'm so grateful to have experienced the things i did at this time.
sentimental girly listening to her "sentimental" playlist is getting emo, but growing up is so bittersweet, but in this moment it's feeling very, very sweet.
a year ago feels like a lifetime ago ! especially this year ! okay we get it mia, yes 365 days, one year, 12 months, no matter how you say it it's all the same IT'S BEEN GOOD I'M SORRY !
but for real, i feel like i was still in so much of my shell a year ago even though my perspective then was being fairly confident in myself.
in reality, i think i was confident in where i thought i was going, rather than where i was in the moment.
now, i think i'm a pretty solid mix of both.
and this has come along with the realization that just because i'm not happy and optimistic 24/7 doesn't mean that i'm necessarily in a bad place in my life.
acceptance has been a huge part of the last year & probably what i would coin the biggest lesson i learned.
you can have bad days and still be confident, they don't have to be mutually exclusive which is something i have never realized until now.
i mean it's not like my preteen self was really thinking this deeply about my emotions anyway, but this whole maturity thing can be kind sometimes (which makes up for the whole hormonal acne side of it but i forgive u i guess).
when i look at it from a wider point of view, knowing that nothing i'm saying here is revolutionary at all, it makes me giggle, but i have to remember this is a documentation of my life not my intelligence or relevance for that matter.
see ! another thing i've accepted is just letting myself be !!!!!!
in the past i was so caught up in how i was perceived and mostly by my future self... wtf ! and trust me, i still have a ways to go, but for the most part i couldn't give two f's about how future mia feels about screaming about stupid boys and "not having any clothes to wear".
i'm feeling my feelings and actually letting myself sit in emotions instead of chasing the singular feeling of happiness.
i read something that mentioned how our purpose on life is to experience the wholeeee 360 range of emotions, and while this is one of the things i have yet to accept, it's definitely a comforting concept.
so to future mia who will without a doubt feel a 180 of new emotions in the upcoming months, remember acceptance in these moments, as they are fleeting and fleeting quick.
but take your time, be good, be kind (to yourself and others),
and chase your stars, fool.
xoxo,
mia lorelei