And Many More

Ohhh boy - that time again! How could I forget my precious annual birthday blog post.

It's always funny going back and reading past posts of mine from around this time of year. Last year's especially is crazy to read since so much has changed since then. I think the whole "so much has changed" aspect is what is the most insane but also the most silly since every year I claim that a lot has changed and how previous versions of myself would have never imagined where I am today.

And yet here we are again!

Maybe I just don't realize how long a year is... in any case, it's been a damn year again! Quite the year, in fact (And so will the next and the next and the next, and so it goes).

Okay enough of that - time for our yearly reflection and introspection.

I truly can't believe how much happens each year where I genuinely would never have imagined in my previous age.

I guess I need to get over that at some point, but also I am grateful for these reminders in an attempt to escape the (what feels) inevitable jadedness in life. My life is pretty cool. I forget it sometimes.

I have a whole fuckin EP out! And just preformed my first gig as a published artist! And have met so many people that I have so much love for that I didn't know a year ago! It is a beautiful feeling.

For future Mia's reference, I am currently sitting at my freshman year dorm desk, with the most gorgeous view of downtown Manhattan and listening to my ages old "Sentimental" playlist that I have had since maybe the eighth grade.

Also!!! I move out in literally 5 days which is insane! Already a whole year of college in the books! I still remember at eighth grade promotion and all the parents and teachers talking about how the years would only continue moving exponentially faster. And they were so right!!!! Where did the time go?!

While time seems to be moving faster, I think I am simultaneously changing faster in this era as well.

Especially creating this whole new life in New York and being at university, I was pretty much handed this blank space to decorate from scratch. Such a privilege it has been! And to be given the support and love from my parents and friends leading up to this point is something I must always acknowledge.

However despite this external love and support keeping me at ease through my trek across the country, it seems the theme of this year has been learning how to do things on my own and for myself. Most importantly enjoying my time alone!

Don't get me wrong, those who know me know I thrive with my alone time (in moderation), but this year has been a true test and step outside of my typical boundaries whether this be the protection of my precious Highlander (miss you Freddy - see you soon) or a close friend by my side to hold my hand.

Something that used to always hold me back from doing the things I wanted to do was the fear of doing it alone, but more specifically the unknown that I would encounter and being afraid of having to handle it by myself.

From parallel parking to walking to central park to subway trips downtown!

I have slowly but surely been tackling this anxiety that has been present for the greater half of my late adolescence. (I still can't do the whole parallel parking thing - but really if you say you can you're lying, I don't believe you).

So while coming to a new city—and living smack dab in the big city for that matter—has been extremely humbling, piece by piece I have grown confident in this area of my life that I have put off for so long.

And in conquering this fear, the benefits I have reaped overflow into other areas of my life as well! The confidence gained from doing things on my own have translated to the general concept of doing things for myself or putting myself out there without the fear of what would happen next.

Ah, there she is! The fear of what would happen next. The true deep-seeded issue reveals itself.

Most pertinently a year ago right around when I committed to the college that would mean my inevitable move to New York, the unknown was more present than it had ever been before. (It was commitment day exactly a year ago! May 1st!).

But already I am on the other side of things and of course things have played out just fine. Just as they always do.

This year more than any before has taught me to trust myself (and all the future versions of myself and all the younger versions who still live inside me) and trust that I will make it to whatever next step I have to take. There is always a way. Things are always "figure out-able" as Tyler says.

And I'm finally beginning to realize that while this may only be accomplished through dozens of messy trials and error beforehand, at the end of the day it will still get done.

Through peace, through reluctance, through grief! Life happens and it will continue on and on and on and I'm learning to accept the process and its ups and downs.

To honoring all the lives I've lived through it all (and many moreeeee).

Talk soon.

All my love!

Mia